Did You Know?

About 50% of marriages end in divorce and 20% of those divorces occur within the first five years. Many divorces occur partly because couples are not prepared for marriage. Frequently, couples spend more time preparing for the wedding ceremony than they do for their marriage relationship.

Numerous studies show that couples who attend marriage preparation courses and/or counseling increase their ability to resolve differences, and are more likely  to seek professional help before their relationships face serious difficulties.

Reverend Kayelily does not require couples to have premarital counseling but highly recommends it. She offers this service in addition to her services as a wedding officiant not only to the couples she marries but others as well. If you are interested in learning more, give her a call or send an email to set up an initial consultation. In addition to couple counseling, Kayelily offers individual and group counseling. For more information, call Kayelily.

What is a successful marriage?

Think about it. Did you ever take a class on marriage in school or church? Were any offered? Our beliefs about love and marriage are primarily based on models provided by our parents, then by movies, books, and society in general. In the absence of real knowledge, some myths have been created that have become conventional wisdom. Some of those myths are:

Myth: Opposites attract—a couple, in their differences, complement each other.
Reality: Great relationships require identical core values.

Myth: Love will carry you through the hard times in a relationship.
Reality: It is shared values that will pull you through a crisis.

Myth: You need to work on your marriage if you want it to be good.
Reality: Relationships don’t have problems, people do.

Myth: Selflessness and giving to others builds the best relationships.
Reality: Clear limits and boundaries build mutual respect and lasting relationships.

Myth: Unconditional acceptance of your partner is the foundation of a good relationship.
Reality: If you don’t make demands of your partner, then you don’t really care.

Myth: Frequent conflicts are a sign that a marriage is in trouble.
Reality: Your willingness to engage in conflicts determines the depth and quality of your relationship.

Myth: Spending lots of time together is very important.
Reality: The best relationships are low maintenance and high intimacy.

Myth: Trusting your partner is essential to a good relationship.
Reality: It is trusting yourself that is essential.

(The Myths and Realities shown here are from "Love in the Present Tense" by
Morrie & Arleah Schectman.)

Love is a choice, not magic. Being “in love” is not the same as loving. For your marriage to flourish, and that means that you are both happy and nurturing each other and yourselves to becoming the most that you can be, you must be committed to love and nourish each other after the glow of being “in love” wanes. Do you know how to do this?

Okay, so how can I prepare for marriage?

After an initial consultation, you will each complete an inventory online. Your two inventories will be analyzed to identify your strengths and growth areas as a couple and provide a forecast of the viability of your upcoming marriage if no changes are made.

You then meet for 3 to 6 sessions with Kayelily who will share the results of the analysis and work with you to strengthen areas that need growth.

We will cover such topics as:

Communication Skills
Conflict Resolution Skills
Marriage Expectations
Personality Issues and Compatibility
Couple Flexibility
Role Relationships
Family of Origin Issues
Financial Management
Intimacy & Sexuality
Leisure Activities
Children and Parenting
Values & Beliefs
Personal, Couple, and Family Goals

Kayelily ‘s goal is to help you maximize your potential for developing a mutually satisfying relationship on which to build a lasting marriage and healthy family.

Goals of the Program

1. To identify your strengths as a couple and build new ones.

2. To strengthen your communication skills including assertiveness    and active listening.

3. To help you resolve disagreements using a 4 step conflict resolution process.

4. To explore your family-of-origin programming .

5. To develop a workable budget and financial plan.

6. Set goals as a couple and family.

Kayelily also has programs designed for couples who are living together and have no plans to marry, couples with children, married couples, and couples over age 50 who are getting married, seeking marriage counseling and/or going through life transitions such as retirement.

Kayelily and her husband, Dave Davenport, often co-counsel couples and from time-to-time present relationship classes together. They both have been trained in the Prepare/Enrich program of relationship counseling.  

Rev. Kayelily Middleton, M. Div., in addition to being an ordained minister, is a spiritual psychologist and  certified Processologist who has studied relationships for 20 years. She has read almost every book about relationships, taken numerous workshops, worked the 12-Step program, worked through past relationships that did not endure, practices A Course in Miracles and Unity principles, and has brought her knowledge and experience together to co-create a fulfilling equal-partnership style marriage with Dave Davenport. In her work with individuals and couples, Kayelily is known to live the principles she teaches.

Dave Davenport   brings extensive experience in the powerful field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), hypnotherapy and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to helping others in their personal growth. His path has led him from a previous traditional marriage to a truly spiritually-based equal partnership with Kayelily. In addition to his years of training and study in NLP, EFT, and hypnotherapy, Dave has attended many retreats and workshops and studied extensively in areas ranging from men’s issues and relationships to recovering his authentic self. Dave embraces Unity principles and is widely read in areas ranging from Buddhism to the mytho-poetic and the mystic masters.

Reverend Kayelily Middleton, M. Div.                     

kayelily@mindspring.com